What to Do When Your Ex Won’t Follow the Divorce Decree

What to Do When Your Ex Won’t Follow the Divorce Decree

You thought the hardest part was over when the judge signed your divorce decree. You endured the emotional toll, the legal fees, the back-and-forth negotiations. Finally, it was done.

But then your ex started ignoring the terms.

Maybe they’re not paying child support. Maybe they’re violating parenting time. Maybe they’re refusing to transfer property that’s supposed to be yours. And now you’re frustrated, confused, and wondering: what are my options when your ex won’t follow the divorce decree?

You’re not alone. This is one of the most common problems we see—and fortunately, you have more options than you might think.

The Most Common Divorce Decree Violations

Before we talk about solutions, let’s identify what violations look like. The most frequent issues we encounter:

Child Support Violations

Your ex was ordered to pay $800/month. Some months they pay nothing. Some months they pay late. Some months they pay partial amounts. After 12 months, they’re behind $8,000.

Spousal Support Violations

Same situation as child support—ordered amount, incomplete payment, chronic lateness.

Parenting Time (Custody) Violations

Your ex refuses to follow the custody schedule. They’re late returning the children. They’re making parenting decisions without your input. They’re badmouthing you to the kids or deliberately limiting your parenting time.

Property Division Violations

The decree says they should get the house and refinance it in their name to remove you from the mortgage. But they never refinance. Years go by, and you’re still liable for a loan you don’t benefit from.

Debt Responsibility Violations

The decree assigns specific debts to each party. Your ex was supposed to pay their credit card debts, but they ignored the order. Now creditors are coming after you, claiming you’re responsible.

Retirement Account Violations

The decree required a QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order) to divide your retirement accounts. Your ex refuses to sign it. You’re stuck.

Insurance Obligations

They were ordered to maintain health insurance for the children or life insurance to secure support payments. They let it lapse.

Each of these situations is frustrating—and each one has a solution.

Why Informal Approaches Usually Fail

When your ex first violates the decree, your instinct is probably to handle it informally. You text or call them. You ask nicely. You remind them what the decree says. You appeal to their sense of fairness or their interest in the children.

Most of the time, this doesn’t work.

Why? Because informal approaches have no teeth. Your ex can ignore your requests indefinitely with no consequences. If they were the type to comply with agreements without external pressure, they probably wouldn’t be violating the decree in the first place.

People often violate decrees because:

• They’re angry about the divorce and using non-compliance as leverage
• They genuinely can’t afford to comply (though this is sometimes overstated)
• They’re trying to renegotiate through non-compliance instead of going back to court
• They’re testing your resolve—if you don’t enforce, they keep pushing
• They’re irresponsible and compliance simply isn’t a priority to them

None of these reasons require you to accept the violation.

Step 1: Document Everything

Before you take any formal action, start documenting the violations. This is critical—your documentation will be the evidence the court relies on.

For support violations:

• Keep copies of bank statements showing payments received (or not received)
• Create a spreadsheet with payment dates, amounts due, and amounts received
• Screenshot text messages about payment status
• Keep payment stub documentation from any employer garnishment attempts
• Note the total amount owed with dates

For custody/parenting time violations:

• Keep a calendar showing scheduled parenting time vs. actual parenting time
• Document late pickups and drop-offs with times and duration
• Save text messages showing your ex denying parenting time
• Note instances of parental interference or badmouthing
• Keep emails about schedule violations

For property violations:

• Save all correspondence requesting compliance
• Document attempts to get them to sign necessary paperwork (QDRO, deed transfer, etc.)
• Keep proof that refinancing was never completed (mortgage statements, title searches, etc.)
• Document any financial harm you’ve suffered from non-compliance

The better organized your documentation, the stronger your case.

Step 2: Send a Written Demand for Compliance

Before filing anything with the court, send your ex a formal written demand. This accomplishes several things:

• It creates a clear written record that you demanded compliance
• It shows the judge you tried to resolve this informally
• It sometimes motivates your ex to comply—especially if they realize you’re serious
• It creates urgency that a phone call doesn’t

Your demand should be professional, specific, and firm:

“This letter is to formally notify you that you are in violation of the Divorce Decree dated [DATE]. Specifically, you have failed to pay child support as ordered. As of [DATE], you owe [AMOUNT] in unpaid support. You are ordered to bring your account current by [DATE—typically 10-14 days out]. If you fail to comply, I will file a Motion to Enforce with the court and seek all available remedies, including contempt, attorney fees, and interest on unpaid amounts.”

Keep it factual and free of emotion. This letter creates a paper trail the court will appreciate.

Step 3: Know When to Escalate to Legal Action

If your ex doesn’t comply with your demand, it’s time to get serious. This is when you file for formal enforcement. You should escalate to legal action if:

• Your informal demand was ignored
• The violation is ongoing and substantial (not a one-time $50 mistake)
• Your ex is deliberately defying the decree
• The violation is affecting your family (kids without support, denied custody time, etc.)
• You’ve been patient and it’s been weeks or months with no change

Some people worry: “Won’t filing make things worse? Won’t my ex retaliate?” The answer is that waiting usually makes things worse. The longer you allow violations without consequences, the more emboldened your ex becomes. Filing sends a clear message: “I’m serious, and you need to comply.”

Step 4: File a Motion to Enforce

This is the formal enforcement process. You’ll work with the court to hold your ex accountable. The motion will include all your documentation and a clear explanation of the violation.

At this stage, having professional help makes a real difference. An attorney or professional service can:

• Organize your evidence into a compelling case
• Draft a motion that hits all the legal requirements
• Handle service and court filing logistics
• Represent you at the hearing

We handle this for clients with a flat-fee service starting at $499 for document preparation, up to $1,499+ for full representation. You’ll know the cost upfront.

What Happens After You File

Once you file, the process typically moves like this:

1. Your ex is served. They receive notice of your motion.
2. They have time to respond. Usually 14-30 days to file their answer.
3. A hearing is scheduled. This typically happens 6-12 weeks after filing.
4. Both sides present evidence. You show the violation; they argue their defense.
5. The judge decides. They’ll order your ex to comply, impose penalties, award attorney fees, or modify the decree.

The whole process typically takes 3-6 months. We know that feels long, but it’s faster than doing nothing—which is what you’re doing now.

Why Waiting Makes Things Worse

We often hear: “I’ve been thinking about enforcement for a few months. Should I wait a bit longer?”

No. Here’s why:

• Debt accumulates. If your ex owes support, the amount owed grows every month, often with interest.
• They normalize non-compliance. The longer you accept it, the more they’ll assume you won’t actually enforce.
• Your ex accumulates evidence against you. If you’re supposed to be parenting and you’re not seeing your kids, the absence of enforcement looks like acceptance.
• The court becomes frustrated. If you file six months after violations started, the judge may wonder why you waited.
• Your memories fade. The longer you wait, the harder it is to remember details your case needs.

The best time to enforce was immediately. The second-best time is now.

Special Considerations for Child-Related Violations

If your ex is violating parenting time or custody terms, the stakes are especially high. Courts take parenting violations seriously because they affect children.

If your ex is denying you parenting time, you need to enforce it—not just for you, but for your kids. Courts presume that children benefit from robust relationships with both parents. Violations of this presumption are serious.

In these cases, filing for enforcement is not just about your rights—it’s about protecting your relationship with your children.

The Cost of Enforcement

The most common question we get: “How much is this going to cost?”

Good news: enforcement costs way less than people think, especially with flat-fee services. Our packages start at $499 for complete document preparation. That’s significantly less than the hourly-rate alternative, which often runs $2,000-$5,000+ for the same work.

Plus, if you win, you can ask the court to make your ex pay your attorney fees. This often happens, which means the cost to you is effectively zero or minimal.

Your Next Step

If your ex won’t follow the divorce decree, you have legal remedies. Enforcement exists specifically for this situation. It’s not complicated, it’s not uncommon, and you shouldn’t have to live with ongoing violations.

The first step is to assess your specific situation and understand your options.